


I'm Not That Girl

by Centenniel



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: ChanSoo - Freeform, Genderswap, M/M, baeksoo - Freeform, kind of but not really
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-20
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-18 17:27:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3577836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Centenniel/pseuds/Centenniel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyungsoo could not state for certain when he fell in love with Chanyeol but he was sure about one thing: Chanyeol only liked women.<br/>So when a witch offered him a chance at his unrequited love, he didn't quite think through the consequences of his decision.<br/>Now he has two weeks to receieve a kiss of true love from Park Chanyeol or else his soul will belong to the witch. Luckily, Baekhyun and Jongdae are there to help him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. So...apparently the Heartbreak Hotel is a real place and not just a metaphor.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is also posted at AFF by the same title and authorname. And since I posted my other fic here, I thought I'd post this one too.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

The only thing that traveled faster than the speed of light was a good piece of gossip and by Friday, second period, the entire student body of Eundo High School knew that Park Chanyeol and Lee Jieun had broken up after a year and a half of dating.

 

And by lunchtime, everybody had claimed allegiance to one school of thought or another concerning the separation of the school's supposedly golden couple.

 

Some believed that Chanyeol had been caught cheating although nobody could agree on with whom he had cheated. Rumors varied from a third year middle-school student to an older women at university to one of the many young female teachers to somebody's mother. The other male students (the ones that admired him anyhow) particularly liked this theory.

 

Others thought that Jieun had been the one cheating and they were convinced that it had to be with someone from another school since there wasn't a better catch at Eundo High than Chanyeol – according to the younger girls.

 

However, the most persistent and cruel theory was that Chanyeol wasn't the saint he pretended to be and when Jieun refused to put out, he couldn't be bothered to wait until she was ready. Not when he had the entire female population of Eundo High willing to lift their skirts for him.

 

Actually, it was the entire female population of Eundo High and one pitiful, miserable boy – not in a skirt but willing all the same.

 

Do Kyungsoo went to his locker to find two of those female students blocking his way, discussing the only topic that seemed to matter anymore.

 

“Do you think I should wait for Chanyeol-oppa to ask me out or should I just go ahead and make the first move?” Mihye, whose locker was right next to Kyungsoo's, asked Eunyoung. “Would that come across as too desperate?”

 

He nudged at them with his elbow and the girls jumped. “Excuse me.”

 

The two girls stepped aside to allow Kyungsoo to access his locker and continued their conversation as if he wasn't there.

 

“First of all, stop calling him 'oppa?' He's the same age as us,” said Eunyoung. “And second, has Chanyeol ever said more than three words to you?”

 

“We had a moment earlier this week,” Mihye insisted. “He opened the door for me and asked if I had a good weekend.”

 

Kyungsoo focused on trying to get his locker open but his fingers kept fumbling around the dial and each attempt only resulted in frustrated yanking.

 

“He was probably just being polite,” said Eunyoung. “He's like that with everyone. It doesn't mean anything.”

 

He tried to block out their conversation by concentrating on twisting the numbers slowly, making sure the numbers lined up with the arrow of the lock. When the door still refused to budge, he cursed under his breath and groaned.

 

“Although,” Eunyoung continued, dropping her voice to a low whisper. “I heard from Yeseul that Chanyeol dumped Jieun because he wanted to take their relationship to the next level – you know, have sex – but Jieun wouldn't even let him touch her boobs. You might be better off without him if he's that much of as an asshole.”

 

Kyungsoo curled his hand into a fist and pounded it against the locker, startling the two girls and anyone who happened to be walking by at that moment. He glanced over his shoulder to find multiple pairs of curious eyes on him. “Jammed,” was all he cared to explain before turning back.

 

“Is your locker giving you trouble again?”

 

Kyungsoo didn't have to look in order to know who had spoken. He'd recognize that voice even if he was dead. “No, it's fine,” he demurred, putting his hand on the dial once more. He didn't need anyone's help, especially not Chanyeol's.

 

“Are you sure?” Chanyeol asked, unaware of Kyungsoo's ambivalence. “You know, maybe you should ask for a new locker. The one next to mine is empty.”

 

“Oppa, my locker sucks too,” Mihye cut in, pouting. Eunyoung rolled her eyes.

 

“Do you want to switch lockers with me then?” Chanyeol asked, ignoring the honorific, and playfully poked Kyungsoo in the shoulder. “That way I can keep an eye on this guy and make sure he doesn't cause any more trouble.”

 

Kyungsoo's stomach plunged to his feet. He needed to get away.

 

Immediately.

 

Without bothering to get his books, Kyungsoo walked off, shoving his hands into his pocket so that the others couldn't see how they were shaking.

 

“What's gotten into him?” Eunyoung asked loud enough for Kyungsoo to hear.

 

He turned down the corridor of classrooms which was mercifully empty, even for the end of the day. Most of the students were gathered in the hallways or outside the school. He slipped into his homeroom, sank into his regular seat, and bowed his head.

 

Kyungsoo knew that he could have requested a new locker. Or at least asked to have his current one fixed. But he had treasured the instances where Chanyeol would notice he was having trouble and jump to his rescue, coaxing the locker open with his precise touch.

 

It didn't mean anything. Like Eunyoung had mentioned, Chanyeol treated everybody in the same friendly manner so when Kyungsoo saw him carrying Sohee's books or laughing with Gaeun, he could control his jealousy. He wasn't any worse off than the girls who vied for Chanyeol's affection because, like the others, he was never on the boy's radar.

 

At least, not while he was dating Jieun.

 

But a newly single Chanyeol meant that he would have to watch the Sohees and Gaeuns of the school shamelessly flirt with the love of his young life while Kyungsoo watched helplessly from the side. And he could only hope that Chanyeol didn't flirt back, that all his helpful actions didn't mean anything the way that opening Kyungsoo's locker meant nothing.

 

The door to the classrooms slid open and Kyungsoo couldn't help the way his chest fluttered, hoping that by some miracle, he would be granted a moment with...

 

“Oh,” he said. “It's just you.”

 

“Well, fuck you too,” Jongdae snipped but stepped inside the classroom and had the good sense to close the door. “Where the hell have you been? I looked everywhere. Are you ready to go?”

 

Kyungsoo blinked and then remembered the reason he went back to his locker in the first place had been to get his math book for cram school. The same cram school that Chanyeol also attended. He lowered his head until the tip of nose pressed against the desk and released a long moan. “I just can't get away from him.”

 

“I'd appreciate it if you acknowledged my presence while you insult me.”

 

“Sorry. I wasn't talking about you, Jongdae.” Kyungsoo pivoted his head so that his temple pressed against the sticky desk and his gaze stretched upward to meet his friend's face. “I really don't want to be around Chanyeol right now.”

 

“Oh, right,” Jongdae said, eyes softening in sympathy. “You probably don't want to see him surrounded by those vultures.”

 

Only two people in the entire world knew how Kyungsoo felt about Chanyeol: Byun Baekhyun and Kim Jongdae. That they didn't give him a hard time about it or question the validity of his feelings, he would be forever grateful. He knew not everyone was as lucky to have such friends.

 

Kyungsoo nodded as best he could with his head in its current position and recapped the events, starting with Mihye and Eunyoung's conversation. “I just wish he wasn't so god damn nice. Maybe then I could hate him.”

 

“If those ears don't make you hate him, then I don't know what will,” Jongdae joked lightly and took the seat next to Kyungsoo's. “Come on. I don't like seeing you all mopey. What happened to the fierce Kyungsoo who got Baekhyun to quit smoking by threatening to burn his Girl's Generation poster?”

 

“Tell everybody he's dead,” Kyungsoo mourned. “Tell them that Do Kyungsoo fell into a hole and died.”

 

Jongdae patted him on the back. “Normally, I'd say that you're being unnecessarily dramatic but – ” he paused and gave his friend a wry smile, “ - this time, you're probably right. It's really unfair that you can't ask out the person you like just because it makes some people uncomfortable, as if that's more inappropriate than Seunghyun sticking his hand up Hyuna's skirt in the middle of class.”

 

Kyungsoo laughed and it only sounded a little bitter. “No, I suppose it's not,” he agreed. He lifted his head and rubbed the back of his hand across his eyes. “I still need to get my books from my locker. I can't wait until we don't have to go to stupid cram schools anymore.”

 

Jongdae put an around around Kyungsoo's shoulder. “Chin up, Soo. High school is only for another year and a half. After that, you'll go off to college and find yourself a real man who will adore you and it will be Chanyeol's loss. Okay?”

 

“Yeah.” Kyungsoo tried to smile. “Thanks.”

 

“Of course,” said Jongdae, standing up. “You're still coming over tonight, right? Baekhyun got a couple bottles of soju and although getting completely wasted won't solve any of your issues, you can pretend everything is okay for a few hours.”

 

“Yeah, of course,” said Kyungsoo, nodding. “I reminded my parents this morning but I should remind them again, just in case.”

 

“Great,” said Jongdae. “I'll go get your books since you are the only person incapable of opening your own locker and you call your parents and let them know that you will be too shit-faced to come home tonight.”

 

“Sounds like a plan. I'll meet you at the usual spot. Oh and Jongdae,” he called as his friend walked away. “Thanks for, you know, understanding.”

 

Jongdae threw a salute in his direction before disappearing through the door.

 

Kyungsoo reluctantly pushed back against the desk and stood up. There was no point in prolonging the inevitable and he walked towards the school's front entrance. He pulled out his phone and dialed his mother.

 

“Hello, son,” she answered after the third ring. “Are you on your way to your lessons?”

 

“Yeah, Jongdae and I are walking there right now,” Kyungsoo fibbed although he preferred to think of it as a delayed truth rather than a lie. “I'm just calling to remind you that I'm spending the night at his house. I mentioned it to you this morning.”

 

“Did you?” His mother sounded confused.

 

“Yes, I did,” Kyungsoo explained patiently. “During breakfast.”

 

“Hmmm. Your mother is getting old, son. I don't remember that. Are you using Jongdae as an excuse to meet a girl?”

 

“Mom!” Kyungsoo groaned. “Definitely not.”

 

“Okay, okay. I'm just teasing my son.” He could practically hear her smirk on the other end of the line. “Although your father and I wouldn't mind if you did got out a bit more. Are there any nice girls at that cram school?”

 

Kyungsoo swallowed around a hard lump that had suddenly formed in his throat. “Nah, not really.” He tried to keep his voice nonchalant. “Listen mom, I have to go. Jongdae and I got here a little early. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?”

 

“See you tomorrow, son. Keep an eye open for any nice girls.”

 

He made a little strangled noise in the back of his throat before hanging up. He looked around for any sign of Jongdae but the hallway was empty, save for the sound of chattering voices in the distance. He checked the time. If Jongdae didn't hurry up, they were going to be late.

 

Kyungsoo heard the squeak of sneakers on the school's linoleum tiles from around the corner. Annoyed but relieved at the same time, he turned to face his friend.

 

Except it wasn't Jongdae who rounded the corner.

 

“Kyungsoo,” said Chanyeol, eyes wide in surprise. “What are you still doing here?”

 

“I-I...I'm...” Why was he stuttering? What was it about Chanyeol that made him this way?

 

“Are you okay?” Chanyeol asked, stepping closer. “You seem a little out of it.” He reached out a hand as if to place it on Kyungsoo's forehead.

 

Kyungsoo flinched and drew back. “I'm fine,” he said, voice coming out more terse than he intended.

 

“Sorry,” said Chanyeol, dropping his hand. He hitched the straps of his backpack more securely over his shoulders and a look of hesitation crossed his face before asking, “Hey, are you mad at me or something?”

 

Kyungsoo didn't answer. He hardly heard the question.

 

He had made the mistake of looking Chanyeol directly in the face and he was falling, falling, falling into the shining darkness of the other boy's eyes and nothing else existed in the world except those dark pools. He started to feel lightheaded and realized that he had forgotten to breathe.

Kyungsoo opened his mouth and inhaled sharply. On the exhale, the words that he swore he would never utter, even in death, tumbled from his lips.

 

“Chanyeol, I like you.”

 

It took him a moment to hear his own confession and realize what he had done. His eyes dilated in panic. “No, I...what I meant was...” Kyungsoo desperately tried to salvage the situation but all he could see was the wide look of shock on Chanyeol's face, his usual playfulness gone.

 

“Kyungsoo...” His voice was quieter that anyone thought possible. The shock faded into pity and guilt which somehow made everything worse.

 

“No, no, I didn't mean it like...” But it was clear from the way Kyungoo's voice trembled and broke over the protest that he had meant it. Perhaps even understated it.

 

Chanyeol's eyes darted nervously around the hallway to determine if anyone had overheard the confession but they appeared to be alone. “Look," he said not unkindly. "Kyungsoo, you're a really nice person so I don't want to lead you on but to be honest...I just don't feel the same way about you. I...I only like girls.”

 

Kyungsoo nodded. He expected as much so he didn't understand why it felt like someone had taken a sledgehammer to his chest. “I know,” he barely managed to get out through the pain.

 

“But I hope we can still be friends,” Chanyeol added quickly as an afterthought. “I'm serious. This doesn't have to change anything between us.”

 

And that's just the problem. Nothing would ever change. But Kyungsoo merely pulled the corners of lips back into a surprisingly steady smile. “Of course.”

 

“Great.” Chanyeol glanced at his unadorned wrist in a feign to check the time. “Well, cram school starts pretty soon so I better go. See you there.” He walked past Kyungsoo with his shoulders raised so high that they brushed the tips of his ears.

 

“See you,” Kyungsoo murmured and watched him skip down the steps of the entrance stoop, cross the muddy soccer field, and slip out through the iron-wrought gates. Only then did he allow his sorrow to leak through the levees and he put a hand against the wall to steady himself.

 

He would have stayed in that position had a high-pitched, tinkling laughter not broke him from his trance. In a dazed panic, he ran despite the uncertainty that his legs would allow him to make it very far. He sprinted past a teacher who told him to slow down but he hardly heard.

 

Kyungsoo finally collapsed against the rear wall of the school where he knew he wouldn't be bothered because the dumpsters discouraged any students from loitering in that area. He had never been so grateful for the awful stench of the garbage and when he doubled over and regurgitated his lunch, he blamed his gag reflex instead of his broken heart.


	2. Always read the fine print.

Kyungsoo wiped his mouth and leaned his back against the brick wall for support. The stench of vomit mingled with the garbage, producing a unique and atrocious odor and he almost retched again. Through the divine grace of God and a little of his own willpower, Kyungsoo managed to settle the lump of bile back into his stomach. 

He tilted his head upward and closed his eyes. The day was hotter than normal for autumn and the sun warmed his skin approximately to a third degree burn but he didn't mind – anything to distract him from the ache in his chest. 

“It's quite painful, isn't it?” 

A female voice disrupted his solitude.

Kyungsoo's eyes flew open and he swallowed what would have been, no doubt, an embarrassingly high-pitched scream. 

Two girls stood in front of him, neither of whom he recognized despite their Eundo High School uniforms. At first glance, they could pass for twins although upon closer inspection, the one standing on the left (Kim Heejin, according to her name pin) had slightly more feminine features than the other girl (Kim Yejin) on the right. The confusion was due mostly to their identical chin-length bob cuts. 

“Sorry,” Kyungsoo said once he realized he had been staring at their name pins which were conveniently located on their breasts.“I didn't hear you approach.” He straightened up and dusted his perfectly clean hands. “Well.” He cleared his throat, racking his brain for a polite way to exit. “I should be going.”

“Unrequited love is the most painful thing in the world,” Heejin said as if he hadn't spoken. “Wouldn't you agree?”

He hid his confusion behind nonchalance and shrugged. “Not sure, having never experienced it myself.” 

A total lie. 

“Then what was that just now?” She raised an eyebrow. “You looked like you were running from yourself, not like you were being chased.”

Kyungsoo's throat tightened. He had a terrible suspicion that she (or both of them) knew exactly what had transpired in the front hallway of the school and were simply baiting him in the cruel way that teenagers tormented one another. 

He had sudden visions of derogatory slurs graffitied across his locker while students stared and whispered behind his back, the look of horror on the faces of the other male students as they remembered all the times they had showered and changed in front of him. 

The thought made him dizzy and a bit like throwing up again but he held his composure.“I don't know what you mean,” he said as firmly as he could without coming across as defensive. 

“Okay.” She shrugged and turned towards Yejin. “Maybe we'll just ask that tall, elvish guy then. Chanyeol, right?” 

“No!” Kyungsoo shouted before he could stop himself. His hands curled into fists even though he had no intention of hitting either of them. He instead burrowed his nails into his palm to release his agitation. “Leave him alone. It's none of your business.”

“We just want to help. It's hard being in love with someone who doesn't love you back. Especially when you have to see him at school everyday.” She stated her observation without any snide undertones. If anything, she sounded sympathetic. 

Even so, all of the blood in Kyungsoo's body evaporated and what remained was a fearful helplessness and angry self-loathing. 

Maybe he hadn't been particularly happy but he had been content with Chanyeol's friendship. On most days, Kyungsoo could bury his feelings and enjoy the way Chanyeol chattered about nothing as he opened his locker, bribed him for homework help with red bean buns, and ruffled his hair while Kyungsoo pretended to be put off by the gesture. 

But he had gotten greedy and in a moment of weakness, ruined what had taken years to build. He had exposed himself and couldn't help the chill that tore through his spine. 

Kyungsoo expected Heejin to continue, to give her opinion on the matter but she remained silent. The look she – both of them – gave him was impossible to read. He had no idea what they planned on doing with their information. 

He curbed his pride and lowered his gaze. “Please don't tell anyone.” He hated the vulnerability in his voice. “Please.”

“We know someone who can help,” Yejin said, catching him off guard. “Madame Ko can make all your wishes come true.”

Kyungsoo looked up. “What?” he asked, confused and taken aback by her emphatic segue. 

“Madame Ko can help.” She gave him a small smile. “She's helped lots of people.”

“What do you mean? I don't understand,” said Kyungsoo. She kept repeating 'Madame Ko' as if he should recognize the name but he had never heard of her before. “How can she help?”

“Just follow us. We'll take you to her.” The girls turned and Heejin looked expectantly over her shoulder at him. “You want our help or not? You like that guy, don't you?”

Yes, he did like that guy but no, he didn't really want their help because Jongdae was probably looking for him and they were definitely going to be late to cram school now. He didn't understand how anyone could provide a solution to his dilemma. But he found himself unable to say so, afraid that the girls would tell everyone about his feelings for Chanyeol if he disagreed. 

Against his better judgment, he nodded and trailed behind the girls at a reluctant distance.

They took him through the school's rear gates which spit them out in the narrow street behind a stretch of commercial buildings. The faculty discouraged students from using this exit because of the unsavory characters that tended to loiter in the area. 

“It's in this building here,” one of the girls (Kyungsoo couldn't tell which one from behind) called to him. They turned down an alley and Kyungsoo hesitated. 

“I'm not sure if this is a good idea,” he said, glancing over his shoulder, half-expecting a crackhead to jump him and steal the 1500 won he had in his wallet. 

“What have you got to lose? You go back now and that boy will still feel the same about you as he did half of an hour ago.” Heejin blew a stray lock of hair out of her face. She looked annoyed. “Come on. We're almost there.”

The inside of the building looked like every other business building in Korea: narrow, dark, grimy stairs and fluorescent lit hallways. They passed an unlicensed massage therapist, a state-of-the-art PC room, and a store that bought and sold used comic books.

 

The girls stopped in front of an unmarked, forest-green door “Are you ready?” Yejin asked once he caught up with them. 

“I suppose,” Kyungsoo replied. He squared his shoulders, determined to face whatever was behind that door with a modicum of dignity.

Heejin entered first while Yejin gently nudged him from behind. Once inside, he saw that his fear had been somewhat misplaced. He saw no clear plastic tarps splattered with blood or a steel, medical examination table or a tray of tools used to hack off body parts. 

Instead, he had entered into a normal, single space office. There was a leather love-seat and armchair set with a low rectangular coffee table in the middle of the room. A large desk was located in front of the only window, the main source of natural light. 

A woman sat at the desk, reading through a stack of papers in front of her. She was around his mother's age, plump by society's standards but quite pretty all the same. She looked up as they came in and smiled. “Hello.”

Kyungsoo bowed his head. “Hello,” he greeted, stomach churning with nerves. He assumed that this was Madame Ko.

She pushed aside the papers. “Who is our guest?” she asked, sounding to delighted for the company.

“His name is Kyungsoo.” Heejin leaned against a wall, crossed her arms, and all but rolled her eyes. “He says he's in love.”

“Ah.” Madame Ko nodded. “Love. The only thing we need, according to The Beatles.” She stood and walked toward the couches. “Please sit down.” She gestured toward the love-seat while she settling into the armchair herself. 

Yejin and Heejin stood off to the side as Kyungsoo sat. He hardly knew them but he wished they would sit too. He felt pressured by all of the attention Madame Ko was directing towards him. 

“So, Kyungsoo,” she said, leaning forward slightly. “You're in love.” 

He nodded. “Yes ma'am,” he said, and blushed. 

“And does this person love you back?”

He shook his head. “No.”

She frowned and tapped her chin. “I'd think an attractive young man like yourself wouldn't have any trouble. What seems to be the issue?”

“I...” He hesitated. 

An hour ago, only two people knew about his crush on Chanyeol. Now, that number had more than doubled and would triple if he told Madame Ko. 

“Don't be nervous,” she assured him. “Believe me, I've heard it all. Nothing you say will shock me and nobody in this room will judge you.”

Kyungsoo glanced over at the girls. Heejin looked bored while Yejin smiled at him and nodded. 

So he told her. 

He told her about how in second grade, he went behind the school to escape some girl who wanted to kiss him and he found Chanyeol on the back steps consoling a frequently bullied student and thought that looked more pleasant than some girl's sticky lips against his. 

He told her about how in seventh grade, Chanyeol secretly brought his pet ferret to class and how he had told Kyungsoo, showed him in the bathroom, and he had never, ever felt more alive than seeing the wriggling ball of fur at the bottom of Chanyeol's backpack, being an accomplice to his mischief. 

He told her about how when Chanyeol asked Jieun to be his girlfriend a year and a half ago, he felt as if someone had forced his head into a bucket of ice water and he realized that he was jealous of Jieun. And ultimately, what that kind of jealousy truly meant.

“Maybe I could like girls too,” said Kyungsoo, shrugging. “But I've never been really interested in them before and I've only looked at Chanyeol for so long that I'm scared to find out if...if this is what I really am.”

“What you are,” said Madame Ko, “is a wonderful, lovely young man. An absolute catch! But...” She paused. “Just like how you can't help how you feel about this Chanyeol, he can't help that he's only attracted to women.” Her painted lips pucker for a second before her expression brightened. “Fortunately, I can help you.”

“How?” Kyungsoo hoped his skepticism wasn't too obvious.

“I'll transform you into someone Chanyeol can't resist,” she said and stood up. She went back to her desk and rifled through the papers before picking out a few sheets from the pile. 

He kept silent as she rejoined him but felt that a make-over wouldn't exactly help. Even if he had been the most stylish and striking person in their school (which he wasn't), the problem remained the thing between his legs.

She reclaimed her spot in the armchair and set the sheets of paper on the coffee table. “Now, Kyungsoo, the first thing I want you to know is that whether or not you accept my help is completely up to you. If you decide you don't need it, there will be no hard feelings.”

“Okay.” Kyungsoo hesitated. “But I'm not sure how you can help. I've already explained that Chanyeol only likes girls.” 

“Exactly.” Madame Ko nodded. “All we have to do is turn you into a girl.”

Kyungsoo wasn't sure he heard her correctly. “Excuse me?”

She looked past him and said, “Don't you think Kyungsoo would make a pretty girl?”

He turned, expecting a mild derisive sneer from Heejin and an encouraging agreement from Yejin but the girls had disappeared and in their place were two boys he did not recognize. “What...who the HELL are you guys?”

The one standing where Yejin had been and wearing her uniform examined his chest, looking disappointed. Heejin tugged at the cuff of the blouse cutting into his muscular bicep and winced. 

“What the hell is going on?” Kyungsoo scooted away from them and nearly fell off the love-seat, bracing against the coffee table. “How did you do that?” He considered himself a fairly observant person and could not fathom how Heejin and Yejin could have snuck away without drawing his attention.

“Boys, please bring me my bottle and glass tumblers,” said Madame Ko. 

“Who are they?” Kyungsoo demanded. He wondered how long they had been standing there, listening to his embarrassing confession about Chanyeol. He would have stood up and ran if he could but his legs shook violently from the simple motion of shuffling back to his seat. His eyes followed the two cross-dressers as 'Heejin' pulled a dusty, glass bottled filled with dark brown liquid from a drawer and 'Yejin' retrieved two glasses from a small side table.

“You already know Heechul and Yesung,” said Madame Ko, smiling at the boys as they brought her the bottle and glasses. “They are the ones you walked you to my office.”

Heechul and Yesung? 

Heejin and Yejin?

Now that he looked more closely, Heechul did bear a striking resemblance to Heejin as did Yesung to Yejin. But that was impossible.

Kyungsoo could feel his brain swelling from its attempt to make sense of what was going on. “No, no, no. No. You're mistaken. Girls. Two girls brought me here.”

“Yes. And now they're boys.” Madame Ko uncorked the bottle and poured an inch into each glass. She slid one towards Kyungsoo. “I told you I could help.”

He reached for the glass in front of him, desperate for a drink, but Madame Ko pulled it just beyond his grasp. 

“Kyungsoo,” she said, all traces of maternal amusement gone from her expression and voice. “Do you believe I can help?”

Before that moment, he had no idea what Madame Ko considered to be 'help' but it wasn't...this. 

“Is it real?” he asked. “What are you?”

She didn't answer right away because she could see that despite his reluctance, his reason, his logic, that in his desperation, he believed her. “If you drink this,” she said, rapping the rim of the glass, “it means you are accepting the terms here.” She pointed at the papers on the coffee table.

For some inexplicable reason, Kyungsoo's heart sank. Of course this was a business transaction. “Then I can't accept your help."

"Why not?" she asked, eyes wide with disappointment. "I haven't even explained the agreement."

"I don't have any money.” At least, he assumed, not enough.

Madame Ko waved her hand. “Kyungsoo, let me explain to you the terms. It's very simple. I will transform you into someone Chanyeol could fall in love with and then within two weeks, say, by the end of the school day two Fridays from now, you must receive a kiss.”

“A kiss?” He bit down on his bottom lip. “That seems a bit much. And it's not very much time.”

“Kids these days do much more than kiss. Don't worry, love. You've known him for years and the only reason he hasn't realized that you're perfect for each other is because you're a boy. If you succeed, I won't need a cent from you. You're happiness will be payment enough.”

Kyungsoo thought that sounded suspiciously generous of her. He asked, “What if I don't succeed?”

“You will.” She smiled fondly at him. “But on the very, very off chance that you don't, you'd do what any honest person would do and work off your debt.”

He didn't like the way that sounded despite her offhand tone. “I'm not sure if this is a good idea.” He glanced at Heejin and Yejin. 

No. 

Heechul and Yesung. The buttons of their blouse strained to contain their masculine chest and the skirts revealed their hairy legs. 

“If I...will I stay a girl forever?” he asked.

“Dear boy.” She looked somber. “You are who you are. Does it matter if you are a boy or girl? No, not really. But this society is narrow-minded and biased against those you love as you do. Even those who pretend to accept you will think of your preference as abnormal, an anomaly. What would you family think if you told them the truth?” 

Kyungsoo remembered his mother's gentle teasing from that afternoon. What would they say if he entered a relationship with another male student instead of a girl? Would it break their heart? Would they wish that he had never been born or wished that he been born a daughter so that nobody would deem them unfit parents? How could they possibly face their friends when they had bragged (when they thought he hadn't been listening) about their beautiful, brilliant, perfect child?

All of these questions raced through his mind and when he found the courage to face Madame Ko, his heart had decided even if his mind opposed. “Okay.”

“Perfect! Let's not waste anymore time then.” She handed the glass to him and picked up her own. “Cheers,” she said, clinking her drink against him. 

He slowly raised the cup to his lips, eyes trained on Madame Ko to make sure she did the same. A loud bang on the door them both. 

“Kyungsoo!” a familiar voiced bellowed from the other side. “I know you're in there! You are in so much trouble!”

“Jongdae?” he mumbled in confusion.

A firm hand pressed against the back of his head and knocked his teeth against the rim of the cup. 

“I'm a busy woman,” Madame Ko hissed, forcing the drink down his throat. 

His eyes widened as he chocked but he managed to swallow (he really must be gay) rather than spit out the bitter liquid. For a moment, he thought he saw Madame Ko's eyes lighten to a bright yellow-gold but he must have imagined it because in the next instant, her eyes narrowed and grew dark as she released him. The second he regained his breath, he felt a terrible, sharp ache in his chest. 

“Kyungsoo! Open the door!”

He dropped the glass which bounced against the tiled floor and not shatter into a million pieces. He coughed and fell forward, shoving the coffee table away and crumpling to the floor. 

“Kyungsoo!” The door flew open, swinging wildly on its hinges, and Jongdae stood just outside. “What the hell is going on?” 

He vaguely registered Madame Ko's shrill cackles, the sudden gust of wind that swirled around the room, Jongdae calling his name. 

She had poisoned him; he was sure of it. There could be no other explanation for the pain coursing through his veins. He curled into himself and took a deep breath. 

This was it.


	3. A moment of silence for our collective sanity.

Baekhyun packed a set of clothes for the next day, his toothbrush, and the two bottles of soju that his older brother had bought the last time they had seen each other. Technically, Kyuhyun had bought them for his father during Chuseok but the man hadn't been able to find the time to drink with his adult son during a national holiday. As much, he figured they were now free for the taking.

“Dad,” he called, closing his bedroom door behind him. “Dad, I'm leaving now!”

Nothing but the hum of the radiator answered.

“Dad?” Baekhyun wandered into the empty kitchen. On the table, he found a note:

_Son,_   
_I went back to the lab for a bit. I didn't want to disturb your studying. Don't wait up for me._   
_Your father_

Baekhyun tossed the note aside. Clearly his father had forgotten that he would be spending the night at Jongdae's house even though he had mentioned it an hour ago. He sent Jongdae a quick text, informing him that he was on his way over.

He didn't receive a reply nor did he expect one. He figured Jongdae and Kyungsoo were already celebrating the weekend, distracted by video games and snacks. It was instances like these that he desperately wished his father hadn't enrolled him into a different cram school from his friends even if it was considered more prestigious.

Baekhyun walked the half-mile to Jongdae's home despite the threatening rainclouds looming overhead. The turn in weather had been a surprise but he figured that the warmth and sunshine had been the anomaly for the time of year. Luckily, the rain held off long enough for Baekhyun to arrive at Jongdae's apartment building. He rode to the twelfth floor and pressed the buzzer.

Jongdae's mother answered the door. “Of course it's you,” she said, stepping back.

“Hello,” he greeted, bowing carefully. He didn't want the clink of the soju bottles to give away their plans. He entered and took off his shoes as Jongdae's mother patted him on the shoulder.

Baekhyun liked Jongdae's mother. She acted somewhat annoyed by Baekhyun's constant presence in their home but always made it a point to squeeze his arm fondly or send him home with food, grumbling about how she 'accidentally' made too much. Other women tended to look at him with pity since his own mother abandoned her family five years ago.

They walked towards Jongdae's room. “Is Kyungsoo here yet?” Baekhyun asked, realizing the apartment sounded eerily quiet.

“Jongdae said that he had to go back home for something. He'll be back later.” She yawned. “You boys keep it down. We've had a long week so we're going to bed early. Tell Kyungsoo to call your phones, not ring the buzzer.”

He nodded. Before he could bid her a good-night, Jongdae's door opened just wide enough for a hand to reach through and grab his arm. He nearly fell over as he was pulled inside and the door closed so quickly that it almost shut on his toes.

“Were you followed?” Jongdae asked, eyes wild.

“What? No.” Baekhyun shook him off. “What is the matter with you?”

Jongdae glanced at the bed and Baekhyun's eyes followed. The narrow shoulders and the long hair caught his eye and he suddenly felt incredibly foolish and crude in the presence of a strange girl.

“Oh. Um. Hello,” he said, shrugging off his backpack. The bottles of soju tinkled as he set it on the floor. “Jongdae,” he whispered. “Should I go home?”

“It's me, you ass,” the girl said through clenched teeth. “Kyungsoo.”

“Oh, no, that's not me.” Baekhyun extended his hand. “My name is Baekhyun. Kyungsoo isn't here yet.”

She swatted away the gesture. “I know who you are. I'm Kyungsoo.”

He frowned and rubbed his hand, more hurt by her rudeness than anything else. He noticed that she wore a Eundo High uniform. “I usually don't like to play this card but you should more respectful towards a sunbae.”

“Baek,” said Jongdae and took his injured hand. “She is Kyungsoo. Our friend Do Kyungsoo.”

Baekhyun scoffed and pulled back. “Nice try. You must believe I'm a complete idiot if you think I'm going to fall for that.”

“It's true.” Jongdae sighed and scratched the back of his head. “Of course, I don't blame you for doubting us but it's the truth. Kyungsoo has been turned into a girl.”

Baekhyun stared at the both of them. They had identical, comically serious expressions on their faces.

Fine.

He could play along if that was what they wanted. “Okay. If you're really Kyungsoo, then tell me something that only he would know.”

The girl hesitated and he felt a moment of triumph before she went on to say, “When you were five years old, you took a shit in the ocean.”

“Aha!” Baekhyun smiled gleefully despite his embarrassment that a stranger knew one of his, literally, dirtier secrets. “Kyungsoo isn't the only person who knew about that. Jongdae did too and obviously you're in cahoots.”

“Oh my god.” Jongdae groaned. “I had completely forgotten. Thanks for reminding me. I can never go into the ocean again.”

“At least you had the luxury of forgetting,” the girl retorted. “I haven't drank anything that isn't bottled water for twelve years because of that.”

Kyungsoo did have a habit of refusing water from a faucet but Baekhyun had always chalked that up a overly refined palate. Still, it couldn't be true. They couldn't possibly believe him to be this gullible.

“I see that neither of my so-called friends have held back in this charade,” he practically snarled. “Is there anything you haven't told this complete stranger?”

“Other than how you watered your mini-orchid for a year before realizing it was fake, no,” said Jongdae.

The girl stared at him. “You didn't know that was a plastic flower?”

Baekhyun turned, ears burning. “Traitor,” he muttered.

An uncomfortable silence filled the room. Baekhyun would have left if the thought of his empty home hadn't stopped him. Besides, a less exasperated part of him was curious to see how this would play out.

“Baek,” the girl finally said. “It's me. I know it sounds insane but it's true. I swear...I swear on your grandmother's sequined jacket.”

Anger bubbled in his chest at her words, no part of him any longer amused. “Don't you dare,” he warned. “I don't know who the fuck you think you are but you have no right.” Fury building, he turned to Jongdae. “How could you tell her?”

“I didn't tell her anything,” Jongdae pleaded. “Baek, you know I would never tell anyone about your grandmother's jacket and neither would Kyungsoo.”

It would sound like nonsense to anybody else but Jongdae and Kyungsoo knew what that sparkling, blinding, red and black, shoulder padded, horrifically outdated garment meant to Baekhyun.

It was the jacket he had draped over his shoulders as a small child while he sang trot songs just to see his mother, an unusually melancholy woman, smile.

It was the same jacket he wrapped around himself when his mother left and he cried in his bed; where Jongdae and Kyungsoo had found him and promised that even if he could trust nobody else, he could trust them.

The term had become a symbol of absolute loyalty between the three friends, something to swear upon when they couldn't distinguish the truth from the bullshit. Since then, it had only been evoked a handful of times.

The first had been when they were twelve years old and Jongdae tripped while chasing them around a parking lot. He had cried that he wasn't faking to trick them, swearing upon the first serious memory he could conjure up in his young life. He ended up with a cast around his broke wrist.

The second time had been the winter break after their third year of middle school and Kyungsoo's parents decided to ship him off to a five week English program in Canada. The diligent student had promised to come back to Korea and when he did, that they would still be best friends

The most recent evocation had been when a year and a half ago when Baekhyun and Jongdae finally coaxed the truth out of a despondent Kyungsoo: he had a irredeemable crush on that tall, goofy kid in their class, Park Chanyeol. The same guy who had just started dating Lee Jieun, the prettiest girl in their grade. And no, he swore upon Grandmother Byun's sequined jacket, he was not kidding.

After everything they've been through, Baekhyun knew his friends would never violate the sanctity of his grandmother's sequined jacket.

Which meant he was faced with two, contradicting impossibilities because boys didn't turn into girls without months of counseling and hours of surgery and certainly not in a single evening.

He chose the more believable one.

“Holy shit, Kyungsoo is a girl.”


	4. If you think about it, penises are a lot more trouble than they're worth.

Kyungsoo, with Jongdae's help, rehashed the afternoon, leaving out the part where he threw up by the dumpsters. “And now I'm...” She trailed off, finding it unnecessary to state what the long hair and breasts made obvious. 

 

They fell into a tense silence and for a few minutes, nobody spoke.

 

Jongdae nudged Baekhyun and jerked his head towards Kyungsoo who sat on the shorter end of his bed, legs dangling off the edge and staring morosely at the floor.

 

Baekhyun frowned and shrugged. 

 

Jongdae's eyes twitched rapidly in what appeared to either be morose code or a brain aneurysm. 

 

Baekhyun finally broke the silence by asking, “What are you going to tell your parents?”

 

Kyungoo's head snapped up. Her eyes bulged and lips parted as another issue presented itself. “Fuck...fuck, you're right. What the fuck am I going to tell my parents? I can't go home like this! They'll never believe what happened!”

 

“Okay, calm down,” Jongdae shushed. “My parents are heavy sleepers but they're not in a coma. If they walk into my room this late and find a girl and Baekhyun, they're going to send me off to become a monk or something.”

 

Kyungsoo snorted. “You'd look terrible with a shaved head,” she informed him.

 

“That is not the point,” Jongdae hissed. “And I don't want to hear any lip from the guy who handed over his dick to a witch behind the school.”

 

She looked as if she was about to retort something along the lines about how witches don't exist but the truth of Jongdae's words sank in and her face twisted into an expression of ultimate realization. She placed her hands on top of her head. “Oh my god. Oh my god. OH MY GOD. I have no dick.”

 

Baekhyun didn't mean to laugh but he did and he immediately clamped a hand down over his mouth to stifle the hysterical squeals. Because it wasn't funny. Even if this was a prank (and Baekhyun still had lingering suspicions that it might be), nothing about this was funny.

 

“You do know that women don't have a penis, right?” Jongdae reminded Kyungsoo. “I know you're into Chanyeol and not all that interested in naked ladies but you at least know that much about the female anatomy...right?”

 

“Of course,” Kyungsoo snapped. “I know what girls have down there! It's just...I...oh...” Her eyes welled with tears. “I didn't think...what am I going to do?” She covered her face with her hands and began to cry.

 

Baekhyun and Jongdae exchanged looks of surprise and bewilderment.

 

In the past, on the rare occasions that one of them shed a tear, the others would tell him to man-up, effectively shaming him into suppressing his emotions. But this normal course of action did not seem appropriate with the new Kyungsoo who was crying in earnest, making high pitched and airy gasps.

 

Baekhyun sighed with relief when Jongdae moved onto the bed and put an arm around Kyungsoo's shoulder.

 

“There, there,” he said, patting her arm awkwardly. “It'll be okay. Don't cry, Kyungsoo. Penises aren't that great anyways. I mean, if you think about it, they're pretty annoying. They're usually just there, swinging around, and then they get hard at the most inconvenient times like in the middle of class or your cousin's baptism. There it goes, rising like the undead for some inexplicable reason even though there was nothing remotely erotic about the ceremony. Also, you don't have to worry about your balls sticking to the inside of your leg anymore.”

 

Jongdae's monologue only seemed to have galvanized Kyungsoo's tears. Baekhyun glared at him. “If you find your dick such a burden, I am more than happy to remove it for you.”

 

“At least I'm trying,” said Jongdae, huffing. “You're the one who's always saying that Kyungsoo likes you better. You comfort him then.”

 

Baekhyun rolled his eyes but decided that he couldn't do more harm that Jongdae's anti-penis rant. There wasn't enough room on the bed since Jongdae made no motion to leave Kyungsoo's side so he knelt on the floor in front of her and gently placed his hands on her knees.

 

“Kyungsoo,” he called softly. “We'll figure something out, okay? We're going to do everything to fix this but we need your help. We can't do this without you because, well, you...you're the smart one. True, maybe this time you pulled a Jongdae and made a deal with a witch – ”

 

“What do you mean, he pulled a 'me'?” Jongdae interrupted, scowling. “I'm not the one who once blew his entire allowance on magic beans from some street peddler, Byun Baekhyun.”

 

“Can we please let that go?” Baekhyun glared up at Jongdae. “I was young – ”

 

“Last year. You were fifteen god damn years old.”

 

“- and I've learned my lesson: never trust a man with a goatee. So let's return to the issue at hand.” He turned back to Kyungsoo who was no longer crying but still had her hands over her face.

 

“I'm so fucked,” she mumbled through her fingers.


	5. Instead of reading this, you should probably be doing homework right now.

None of them had any immediate solutions for Kyungsoo's problem. 

Jongdae suggested they continue on with their night since it was, after all, the weekend. He turned on his ancient analogue television and equally ancient Playstation 1 console. “Any requests?” he asked, picking through a shoe box of video game cartridges. 

“Yes. Let's pack up all of this stuff and take it onto that tv program where they get experts to appraise antique artifacts,” Baekhyun replied with a straight face. “Professor Lee's something or other. Kyungsoo, you love that show. What's it called?” He glanced over at her. “Hey! Kyungsoo! What are you doing?”

While Jongdae was searching for his favorite Crash Bandicoot game and Baekhyun was judging him, Kyungsoo had finished off half of a bottle soju. 

They had completely forgotten about the main event of the evening in the midst of all the excitement surrounding Kyungsoo's new set of genitals and neither of them had noticed her sneaking the bottles from Baekhyun's backpack. 

“Did you drink that straight?” Jongdae asked, unable to keep the awe out of his voice. Normally, Kyungsoo couldn't drink a drop of alcohol without a gallon of Cola to mask the taste.

She shrugged in response. “I've had a long day.” 

“Maybe button mashing while playing Tekken will help,” he suggested, offering her one of the controllers.

“No, you and Baekhyun can play first.” She slumped back against the wall and held up the bottle clutched in her right hand. “I'll keep myself occupied.”

Baekhyun and Jongdae couldn't find the heart to guide her away from the drink since she looked the most relaxed since everything that had transpired. They agreed to split the second bottle of soju while playing Tekken as Kuma and Marshall Law, respectively. Every so often, they heard a slosh of the bottle and Kyungsoo hiss from the burn of the alcohol. 

After a few rounds of Jongdae kicking Baekhyun's ass, they realized that the sounds of drinking had faded and been replaced with light snoring. Turning away from the game, they found Kyungsoo fast asleep, the now empty bottle cradled into her side. 

“Great.” Jongdae sighed. “If my parents find a drunk girl passed out in my bed, forget becoming a monk. They'll call the police.” He glanced at Kyungsoo and then at Baekhyun. “I meant to ask earlier but didn't get the chance; how are you holding up?”

 

“Me?” Baekhyun asked, eyebrows wrinkled in confusion. “I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?”

 

“Well, Kyungsoo doesn't usually mention his feelings about Chanyeol but today has been kind of different because of the break-up – amongst other things – so, I can't imagine it's easy to hear him talk about...someone else. Especially because he has no idea how you feel.”

 

“It's fine.” Baekhyun took a quick swig and finished off the soju. “Why wouldn't it be fine? I'm not homophobic or anything like that.”

 

Jongdae shook his head. “You may be able to fool Kyungsoo but I know, Baekhyun. It's not obvious but I know.”

 

Baekhyun stared at the unconscious figure sprawled on Jongdae's bed. Her legs still dangled over the edge. He started to bring the bottle back up to his lips but paused before whispering, “Please don't tell him.”

 

“It's not my place to tell him.” Jongdae stood up and went over to his closet to remove the extra blankets and pillows stacked inside. “I'm just pissed that both of my best friends are having their heart broken today.”

 

“My heart's not broken,” Baekhyun quickly retorted.

 

Jongdae took the bottle from him and shoved a pillow into his hands. “Like I said, you can't fool me, Byun Baekhyun.”


	6. Time heals all hangovers.

Baekhyun awoke with his neck bent at a funny angle and ass completely numb. Such were the consequences of sleeping on the hard floor while the girl had the bed entirely to herself. He vowed that if they ever managed to reverse Kyungsoo's condition, he would hold it against him forever.

 

Across the room, Jongdae also stirred and lifted his head. “Morning,” he croaked. 

 

Baekhyun sat up and nodded, yawning. He checked the time on his cell phone. “Shit, it's already noon.” He glanced at the bed. “And our princess is still asleep.”

 

They stood up in stiff, halting movements and gathered around the bed, looking down at Kyungsoo. Curled up with the blanket bunched up to her chin and her hair fanned out on the pillow, she looked perfectly peaceful which irritated Baekhyun even more.

 

“Kyungsoo's pretty cute when he's sleeping. As a girl, I mean,” said Jongdae. 

 

“That is the creepiest thing I've ever heard,” said Baekhyun. “I'm just going to pretend you didn't say anything.”

 

Kyungsoo groaned and rolled onto her back, stretching out her arms. She opened her eyes and blinked up at Baekhyun and Jongdae. “What – ” she started to speak but at the sound of her own voice, she bolted upright and yelped. “Oh fuck. This wasn't all a nightmare!”

 

“Shhhhhh!” Jongdae flapped his hands. “I think my parents are still home.”

 

“Oh god.” She grabbed a fistful of her hair. “I passed out last night, didn't I?”

 

Baekhyun nodded. “Yeah, it was pretty pathetic. But you didn't miss much. Just Jongdae crying at the end of Mulan where all of China bows down to her.”

 

“Only people without souls wouldn't be moved by such a vindication,” said Jongdae. “So I guess that explains you two.”

 

“Why were you watching Mulan?” asked Kyungsoo. 

 

“Research purposes,” Jongdae replied.

 

She wrinkled her nose at him. “And what exacting are you researching?”

 

“Mulan is a girl pretending to be a boy but with the help of her trusty family guardian and lucky cricket, she manages to make it home alive and save China in the process. It's like your situation only reversed and kind of different. But don't worry. I will be your Mushu and Baekhyun will be your Cricket.”

 

“Why am I the bug?” Baekhyun complained. “I'd rather be a lizard than a bug.” 

 

“First of all, he's not a lizard, he's a dragon. Second – ”

 

“Son,” a voice called from somewhere in the house, interrupting Jongdae's rebuttal. “Are you and your friends awake?” Footsteps approached. 

 

“Shit.” Jongdae looked at Kyungsoo, eyes wide in panic. “Hide!”

 

Kyungsoo immediately rolled off the mattress and shimmied under the bed with impressive speed considering her condition while Jongdae shouted back, “Yeah, mom! Just give us a second!” He turned to Baekhyun. “Act natural.”

 

Baekhyun nodded. “Right.” He threw himself on the bed, laying on his side. He propped his head up with one hand and began to whistle. 

 

“Thats – ” Jongdae shrugged. “Close enough, I guess.”

 

The door opened and Jongdae's mother poked her head inside. “Good to see you boys are up.”

 

“Yep, we sure are boys,” said Baekhyun. “I mean, up. Of course we're boys. I meant to say we're definitely awake...you're looking lovely this morning.”

 

Jongdae laughed nervously while his mother gave Baekhyun a strange look. “Yeah, Baekhyun and I are just going to put the blankets away and then get something to eat,” he said. “You don't need to make anything for us.”

 

“That's good because I didn't plan on making anything anyways. Your father and I are going hiking so I left some money on the table for you in case you and your friends want something to eat.” She glanced around the room, frowning. “Speaking of friends, where is Kyungsoo?”

 

“Home,” Baekhyun answered just a bit too quick and loud. “He left really early, super early, like the crack of dawn. He forgot his toothbrush at home and you know how weird he is about using his own toothbrush.” He was vaguely aware that he sounded like the weird one, not Kyungsoo.

 

Jongdae's mother smiled agreeably although she did look a bit perplexed. She turned to her son. “Call us if you need anything.”

 

“Will do,” said Jongdae, nodding obediently. He kept the smile on his face until his mother retreated and closed the door. 

 

“You think she suspects something?” Baekhyun asked, making sure to keep his voice quiet. “I hate lying to other people's parents.”

 

“No, I doubt it. She's always thought you were kind of strange.”

 

“Can I come out yet?” Kyungsoo's muffled voice asked from beneath the bed. 

 

Jongdae thumped the mattress twice. “Yeah, the coast is clear.”

 

Kyungsoo crawled out, the front of her clothes covered in a light gray film. “It's filthy under there.” She held up something in her left hand. “And I'm not just talking about the dust.”

 

Baekhyun caught a glimpse of a female breast, including nipple, before Jongdae snatched the pornographic magazine away from Kyungsoo. 

 

“Give me that!” Jongdae managed to hold his head up despite the deep red color in his cheeks and glared at Kyungsoo. “You got your smudgy fingerprints all over it.”

 

“Judging from how stiff the pages are, I think my fingerprints are the least compromising thing about your magazine.”

 

“Who still has magazines?” Baekhyun added. “Actually, never mind. You still think having a Playstation 1 is acceptable. Of course you have a porno magazine.”

 

Kyungsoo laughed and caught his eye. A devilish and familiar smile spread across her face and Baekhyun couldn't help but smile back. It helped remind him that this person, this girl, was one of his best friends and not some complete stranger. 

 

Still, he couldn't quite explain the peculiar sensation of melancholy that sat heavy on his chest. 

 

“Kyungsoo, you have lost all privileges to make fun of me. Ever. And Baekhyun...” Jongdae narrowed his eyes. 

 

Baekhyun blinked innocently and waited, unwilling to indicate any sign of apprehension on his part although completely valid. Jongdae usually had the memory of an elephant and having grown up together, along with Kyungsoo, he possessed an unlimited amount of embarrassing stories about the both of them. 

 

Jongdae never finished his threat. He simply picked his blanket off the floor and began to fold it in order to put it back in the closet. 

 

“So,” said Baekhyun, taking advantage of the silence to change the topic. “What is our next step in Operation Princess Kyungsoo?”

 

“Why am I am a princess?” Kyungsoo scowled and cross her arms. 

 

“I thought all girls liked being called that,” said Baekhyun. He dodged a pillow hurled at his head. “Nice throw, princess.”

 

“We discussed this last night while you were asleep and before Mulan,” Jongdae explained as he retrieved the tossed pillow. “True love saving the day is a classic fairy tale trope: Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Shrek, just to name a few.”

 

“You and your princess obsession.” Kyungsoo rolled her eyes. “Okay, fine, I'm a fucking Disney Princess. As a princess expert, what do you recommend as our next course of action?”

“Another classic trope.” A smile stretched across Jongdae's face. “The transformative make-over. Just think of us as your fairy godmothers.”

Dragons. Crickets. Fairy godmothers.

Baekhyun wondered when this would all end.


	7. Cause darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a text post I saw on tumblr.

Baekhyun felt guilty about not immediately offering his credit card to fund Operation Princess Kyungsoo because his father had given it to him for “emergency” uses only but he figured that his best friend being turned into a girl and having nothing to wear but her high school uniform definitely counted as an emergency.

 

Jongdae, on the other hand, seemed all too eager about blowing his birthday money on a whole new wardrobe for Kyungsoo. “We need to lay the foundation before we can build anything over it,” he said as he dragged them to the womens undergarments section of a large Myeong-dong shopping center. 

 

“Why does everything look like a torture device?” Kyungsoo asked as they passed stall after stall of lingerie. She pointed at a particularly severe looking item.“What in the world is that?”

 

“Apparently, it's a torsolette,” said Baekhyun, reading the decorative card in front of the mannequin. 

 

“It's much less restricting than a traditional corset,” said the sales associate, noticing their interest. “We have them available in several colors.”

 

“Actually, our friend is looking for just the basics,” Jongdae cut in eagerly. “Bras, panties, that sort of thing.”

 

“Oh. We certainly have those as well.” She turned to Kyungsoo. “What size bra do you wear?”

 

Kyungsoo blinked. “Um. Well, I'm not sure actually.”

 

“That's fine. Most women don't wear the proper size that they're supposed to. May I ask what size is the one you're wearing right now?” 

 

“I-I'm not wearing one r-right now,” she stammered, flushing a dark pink. She had refused to put on one of Jongdae's mothers old bras before leaving the apartment, arguing that the dark, loose-fitting t-shirt she borrowed from him was enough.

 

“She's something of a late bloomer,” Baekhyun spoke up and immediately wished he hadn't when Kyungsoo stomped on his foot. 

 

The sales associate pretended not to notice and gave them a professional smile. “It's never too late to start providing proper support for your chest.” She ushered Kyungsoo towards a curtain in the back of the stall. “We'll take your measurements and see what we have in stock.”

 

While he waited for their friend to get properly fitted, Baekhyun tried to be discreet about his examination of the lace and silk garments, pretending to look elsewhere while he rubbed the fabric between his fingers. 

 

Jongdae couldn't be more obvious. He picked up a pair of red satin underwear and stretched the waistband against his hips. “These are kind of nice. Baek, what do you think?”

 

Baekhyun stared at him. “How are you straight?” 

 

“It's not for me, idiot. For Kyungsoo.”

 

The sales associate reappeared and selected a few bras from the rack. One her way back to the fitting room, she glanced at Jongdae. “We don't have that color in your size anymore,” she said, handing off the bras to Kyungsoo behind the drapery.

 

“Never mind,” Jongdae sighed, setting the underwear back down. 

 

“Um.” Kyungsoo poked her head out between the curtains, the rest of her hidden behind the thick fabric. “Can someone please tell me if put this on correctly?”

 

Baekhyun and Jongdae nodded, starting for the fitting room but the sales associate grabbed them by the ears and pulled them back. 

 

“Ow, ow, ow! Let go!” Baekhyun whined while Jongdae hissed in pain.

 

“Sorry, no men allowed in the fitting room, not even gay best friends,” she explained and slipped through the curtains. 

 

“I'm not gay.” Jongdae frowned and rubbed his ear.

 

They pretended not to listen to the sales associate as she taught Kyungsoo how to properly put on and remove a bra. 

 

“It's easier if you wrap the band around so that the hooks are in front of you...yes like that. Now, just slide it so that cups are in front and then put your arms through the straps...good. To get it off, just do everything in reverse. Lower the straps, hooks in front...yeah, you're getting the hang of it. Pretty soon, you'll be able to just reach behind you and unhook it with two fingers”

 

“Why is Kyungsoo the one getting a lesson on how to take off bras?” Jongdae muttered. “He doesn't even care about boobs.”

 

Kyungsoo emerged from the dressing room, sales associate close behind her. She seemed calm and composed but Jongdae and Baekhyun knew from the slight flaring of her nostrils that she was fairly traumatized by the experience. 

 

“I think the basic bra you have on now is fine but if you want anything more aesthetically pleasing, don't hesitate to come back,” the sales associate told her. “I'll give you a good discount. Just because you're petite doesn't mean that lingerie can't be sexy on you as well.”

 

Baekhyun could tell that Jongdae was burning to ask Kyungsoo exactly how petite but considering her unsettled nerves, he thought it best to change the subject. “Are you going to get anything else? What about your bottom half? Or do you plan on going commando?”

 

Kyungsoo looked at him, eyes wide, daring him to ever speak again. 

 

He stepped back.

 

“Yes, you need underpants,” said Jongdae, oblivious to Baekhyun's precarious situation. He turned to the sales associate. “Do you have anything with sequins or feathers?” 

 

“How about a pack of sensible cotton underwear?” the sales associate suggested quickly, noticing the murderous glare that Kyungsoo now fixed towards Jongdae. “Seven pairs, different colors, one for each day of the week.” She put them into a shopping bag and handed it to Kyungsoo before Jongdae could argue. “Everything together, your total is 84,000 won.”

 

Jongdae gasped. “Now wait just a – ”

 

Baekhyun grabbed his arm and yanked hard. “Just shut up and pay,” he whispered and jerked his head towards Kyungsoo. 

 

She had crossed her arms and was squirming in discomfort, looking around to see if any of the other shoppers noticed her adjusting the band of her bra. 

 

Jongdae handed over the money to a surprised sales associate but she didn't comment as she gave him his change. 

 

“Have a nice day.” She bowed as they left the stall. 

 

They stepped onto the ascending elevator that would take them to the women's fashion section. “Hey,” Kyungsoo said, kicking her toe against the raised step. “I'll pay you guys back when this is all over.”

 

Jongdae waved her off. “Don't even worry about it. Because honestly, Soo, Chanyeol is not going to kiss you dressed like that.”

 

Kyungsoo looked down at her outfit. A black t-shirt with a red pentagram from the two weeks that Jongdae considered becoming a Satanist, a most unflattering calf-length skirt in navy blue borrowed from Jongdae's mother, and clunky sandals that Jongdae's cousin left behind after Chuseok. Probably because they were so ugly. 

 

“You're right,” Kyungsoo conceded. “We'll get something...cute. I mean, what do guys even like on girls?”

 

“Sundresses,” Jongdae answered quickly. “Tight sweaters. Yoga pants. Anything really. As long as it's flattering and they wear it with confidence.”

 

They stepped off the escalator and were immediately plunged into a world of overwhelming choices: tanks, t-shirts, blouses, crop tops, mini skirts, maxi skirts, pleated skirts, long pants, short pants, capri pants, sheath dresses, baby doll dresses...their heads spun from the staggering variety of clothing in every stall, unsure of where to start. 

 

Jongdae recovered first and took the lead. “Come on,” he said, marching forward. 

 

Baekhyun was about to follow but felt a small hand grip his wrist. He looked down and saw Kyungsoo holding him back. “What is it?”

 

“Baekhyun, I'm scared,” she said quietly. “What if this doesn't work? Who knows what that woman will make me do.” She looked at him, eyes wide and frightened. 

 

“Hey, come on.” Baekhyun moved his hand into hers and squeezed. “That's not going to happen. I told you, we're going to figure this out.” 

 

She didn't exactly look like Kyungsoo in a wig but she could have passed for his sister or cousin, Baekhyun noticed. And for a girl, he admitted, she was on the high end of pretty. 

 

“Chanyeol...” He cleared his throat and smiled. “Chanyeol would be crazy not to fall for you.”

 

Kyungsoo's hand squeezed back. “Really?”

 

“Of course. Who wouldn't?” 

 

There it was again: one of Kyungsoo's many different smiles which made him happy, even if it was on a different face.

 

“Thanks. Let's go find Jongdae. Hopefully he hasn't picked out some weird Gothic Lolita outfit or something for me to try on.”

 

He didn't read into the way she held onto his hand as she led the way. Nor the way it wrung his heart.


End file.
